Monday, April 13, 2009

Why?

Many people have asked us how we are doing, how we are feeling through all of this and for the most part I'm able to stop and say we are hanging in there. To be honest thought this down right sucks. I don't understand why Micah has to be going through so freaking much. He is such a sweet wonderful little guy who smiles and laughs constantly. He brightens up any room that he is in. So why is he having to go through all of this? Why my baby? I know that people will say it's because we are sinful and live in a fallen world. I know this but it brings no comfort. It down right sucks that Micah has to endure so many test, be poked and prodded, get things shoved down his nose, be sedated, have so many doctors appointments and not be able to go without oxygen while sleeping. He didn't ask for any of this, and while he was born sinful he has been born again, his sins have been washed clean. I sit and watch my little man sleep and he looks so peaceful, I look at him and he looks so healthy yet has this foreign mass growing in his body. You know I don't even care how this affects me, how much I have to run around, what I have to do. I just want Micah happy and healthy. I will do anything needed to be done to just help him get better. I am so mad, so frustrated, so confused, so sad. But...I am still holding on, praying that there are no other masses. Praying that all that has to be done is surgery to take out the mass. Praying that Micah will recover and continue to grow and become a wonderful great little boy and then grow up to be an amazing young man. And you know not only does it make me angry that Micah is being hurt by all of this but Noah hasn't had it easy either. Noah doesn't understand what is going on, he doesn't understand why mommy and daddy have to go run around all over and leave him with babysitters. He doesn't understand why Micah has wires and tubes coming off of him. He doesn't understand any of this, all he knows is that his world is getting turned upside down as well.
But through this all I continue to keep my faith. I know God is with us. I know God is listening to all of our prayers. I know that Micah is in the best hands possible...God's. I know that God loves us very much and loves baby Micah more than I could ever even possibly describe. God is here with us, He will never leave us. This gives me comfort. While I may not understand why this is happening I do know that we are not alone.

Blessings

Melinda

2 comments:

Jim and Amanda said...

You are a strong woman, Melinda. I continue to pray for Micah, as well as you, Seth and Noah.

Amanda Fleming

Andrea said...

I had to grab a box of Kleenex when I read this very well-written, heartfelt post! My heart goes out to you. I know I can only begin to imagine what you are going through, but my little guy (he'll be a year old this Saturday) had to have surgery in February to close a hole in his neck (that he was born with) so I know some of the emotions that you are feeling, especially how it's not fair that such an innocent, sweet little person has to go through something like this. Even though Logan's situation wasn't serious, I wanted to trade places with him because I didn't want it to change him negatively. He was (and still is) such a happy, carefree baby, it seemed too early in his life for him to experience anything but happy & carefree experiences!!! It was my first lesson of how no matter what happens in this world to & around my son, I can show him peace and love and so no matter what he will always be able to turn to me for that comfort. So you are clearly doing an excellent job and are a great mother to both of your sons. That is what will keep them both sweet!!! Still, I pray this will be just a one-time thing that you'll look back on in the future remembering that Micah had to go through as a baby but he will never have a memory and will never know the difference. I'm sorry you have now the "doctor stuff" to deal with, I will continue to pray!