i love it

The house is a disaster but really, i don't care. I don't have the time or energy to clean it. Instead my day consist of chasing around a toddler who just learned to walk two months ago and is almost running. (boy am I in trouble), trying to keep him away from anything and everything he is not supposed to get into because for some reason he is attracted to the "no no" things in life. I also find that in a day I become a broken record "no no Noah" "Noah no no", "Noah be gentle", "Noah you need to share", "Noah don't do that", "Noah can we find something else to do?" Oh and these are only some of the many many statements I find myself saying over and over again on a daily basis. In between running around after Noah I am trying to keep Micah entertained by talking to him, moving him from toy to toy, attempting to teach him to roll (why won't my six month old roll???), oh and I also change wet and poopy diapers....all day long! Some may question why my house is a mess...well just come over and hang out for a day and you will begin to understand my life...but you know what...I LOVE IT!! I love my life, my kids, my husband, my family, and yes even my annoying dog. We may have some stressful things going on (you know Micah and his cancer and all), but I wouldn't trade my life for anything...

I apologize

I apologize for not updating sooner. Friday went GREAT. The wonderful anesthesiologist got the IV in on the very first try and taped it on really well so that it wouldn't come out! Prayer of thanks for this as because they got the IV in they didn't have to do a Central Line!!!! How awesome is that!!!!! The bone marrow aspiration and bone scan went well. We got to the hospital at 6am and finally got to leave at 2pm. It was a long day!!!!! We haven't gotten the results from the test yet but should get them this week! I am praying and asking you all to pray that the results come back showing no cancer! How awesome would that be?!!!!!
Otherwise life is going pretty well. This week is the slowest week I think we've had since Micah got sick back in Feb. and was hospitalized with RSV. We only have one appointment scheduled for this week and it's only with his GI doctor for a check in! As of right now we only have his six month well baby visit scheduled for next week. How awesome is that...a well baby visit instead of a sick baby visit! It may not seem like a big deal to some but to me it is encouraging! Also Micah's blocked tear ducts seem to be cleaning themselves out and opening up as he hasn't had any junk come out of his eyes in three whole days!!!!!
Noah is doing wonderfully as well. He is such an amazing big brother. Yesterday he gave Micah two very sweet kisses. He is so loving and fun to play with. I've had to tell him a few times to stop running in the house (LOL) as his walk is getting much faster than it was only a couple of weeks ago!!!!
Seth and I are doing well. Tried of all of this and ready for everything to be over. Seth's last week of school is next week until we go on vicarage at the end of July! We are definitely looking forward to moving and starting another year. But we are sad that we will be leaving so many wonderful people!
Thank you all for prayers. I promise that as soon as I get the test results back I will update on here for all to see. Pray for good results...cancer free results!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Central line and bone marrow aspiration

Tomorrow Micah will be having surgery again. This time they will be putting in a Central Line and doing his bilateral bone marrow aspiration. I just found out about this today, this afternoon. So the last few hours have been kinda nuts, wrapping my head around the thought of him having surgery again, so soon after the mass removal. I worry about why the dr has decided to go ahead and put in the Central Line. On Tuesday Micah was supposed to have test done but after 8 failed attempts to start an IV the test were canceled and we were told they would be rescheduled for another day. The nurses in the APC unit talked to Dr. H and asked him about a central line and he said then that he didn't want to do it yet because he wasn't sure that Micah would need it. Then today we get a call from Same day surgery saying Dr. H has requested a central line be placed. WHAT? WHY? We have no idea right now. I am hoping that he just feels bad for poor Micah and doesn't want him to have to be poked a million and one times again. I fear though the worst of course but hope for the best. I am praying that the mass that was removed was "favorable" instead of "unfavorable" because unfavorable most likely means a few rounds of chemo while favorable could mean we are done. So anyway, I am most likely just worrying about nothing, but should find out tomorrow more. Please continue to keep our little guy in your prayers.

Blessings

Melinda

No test done today

Micah was supposed to have his bone scan and bone marrow aspiration done today. Neither happened. For two hours the nurses and dr's tried to get an IV started in him so that they could give him the contrast for the scan, after 8 attempts of getting the IV in and then the vein blowing they gave up for the day. THANK GOODNESS!!! It was absolutely horrible sitting there watching them poke him time and time again while he was SCREAMING!
As a mom I just want to protect my kids from pain and injury. I would do anything to keep them from getting hurt. So what am I supposed to do when he has to have an IV in order to see if he has cancer anywhere else in his small body but the only way to get an IV in is to hurt him. Micah looks to me as a source of comfort and I was unable to comfort him. He looks at me to protect him and I allowed these people to hurt him time and time again. I feel like i'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. In order to make sure he stays healthy and okay I have to allow them to hurt him. This is the part of being a parent that sucks.
I've had allot of friends tell me that I am so "strong". But really i don't feel it. I have to pull myself away from my emotions in order to be there for Micah. I have to be calm when all i want to do is scream. I don't know that I would call this being strong, i think i might call it more, being numb. All the while that they were poking Micah I wanted to scream and just pick him up and run away with him. But...I had to make the decision to appear heartless and try to "calm" him while they were hurting him. Maybe some people wouldn't look at this as being "heartless" but to me that is what it feels like. I feel as though I shouldn't allow others to hurt him, but to make sure he is okay they have to cause him pain. Sorry if this is so jumbled but I am so conflicted and confused right now. I just want this all to be over. I just want to have the dr's and nurses poke me and run the test on me instead of Micah.
As I sit here I feel my heart breaking, and aching. Today wore me down. I've stayed "strong" for so long, and plowed through this horrible nightmare, and today I feel beaten.
I;ll try to post more later, Micah is waking up and I need to go comfort him because at least I can do that now.

Bilateral bone marrow aspiration and bone scan

Tomorrow Micah will be having a bilateral bone marrow aspiration and bone scan. Blah. Yes they will be putting him "under" for the 5th time in something like 4 weeks. My poor baby!!! He is a fighter though, he will do fine, this I know. He has shown us time and time again that he is strong. I'll try to update what the test say as soon as we get the results. But for now i thought i'd leave you with two pictures, one of Noah and one of Micah!!!

Neuroblastoma

The results of Micah's mass pathology is back. He has neuroblastoma. He will be having a bone scan and bone aspiration sometime nextg week to see if it is in his bones at all...we are praying it's not and that the only cancer he has was the one they removed.

Praise the Lord

SOrry it has taken me so long to update. THe last fews days have been crazy!!!!

First Micah is doing great!!!!!!
Surgery went really well...it was hard on Seth and I to let them take Micah for surgery but we made it through. (thank goodness....thank you Lord for the strength). The surgery took about an hour but the prep work in the OR took about an hour so we were without him for about 2 hours.
The surgeon got the whole mass!!!! It ended up being the size of a golf ball. If you remember only 2 1/2 weeks ago it was only the size of a pencil erase, then last Thursday the MRI showed it to be about 1 inch and then when they removed it on Monday it was a golf ball size....it had grown ALOT in two weeks. (Praise the Lord for safe removal of the whole mass!).
The surgeon told us that the preliminary results of the mass show neuroblastoma but that the confirmed results we will find out hopefully later today or tomorrow!!
Micah did so well during and after surgery that they let us go home yesterday. Yes only 24 hours after surgery. He is a trooper!!!
One bummer thing though....Micah's left eye is now droopy and the pupils are not the same size anymore...the dr said he might of stretched or temporarly damaged a nerve when the was removing the mass and Micah has now developed "Horners syndrome" ( think this is the name). It should go away in a few weeks...we hope!!!
Thank you all for prayers!!
Micah is getting fussy so i gotta go but will update more later!!! God is good!!!

Tomorrow

So tomorrow is the day. The day where the mass will be cut out of Micah. I am starting to get very nervous about it. I don't want Micah to have surgery. I just want him to be healthy and happy, mass free, but I want the mass to just disappear on it's own. This just doesn't seem fair that Micah has to go through this. Grrr...yes that is me getting angry. I'm beginning to feel it build up and seap out a little bit, or maybe it's been building for a little while and I am just now starting to let it out a little bit.
I know God is with Micah. I know that God has a plan. I know that God will take care of our little man. I am just fearful of what can happen with the surgery.
We just sent Noah to Phil and Donna's house (Noah's Godparents) for the night and day tomorrow so that we don't have to worry about him tomorrow. Having him leave was heartbreaking. I've been away from him before (when Micah was born and when Micah was in the hospital for two weeks) but this time it was just harder. I love my boys and hate to have them away from me.
So anyway, I guess I just ask for prayers right now. Pray that Micah is well taken care of and that Noah has ALOT of fun with his Godparents (I know he will...he LOVES them to pieces).
I will try to update tomorrow as the surgery goes and after.
Blessings

Melinda

Monday

Micah will be having surgery on Monday at 12:10pm (well that's the time it is scheduled for). We are to be at the hospital at 10:45am. I am starting to get nervous. I am not excited at all about my baby having to have surgery. I am not excited that he will be in pain, i am not excited about any of this, actually I am crushed. I am heartbroken knowing that my baby will be in pain. But I know that God is with us. He is taking care of us. He has a plan! I pray that He guides the surgeons hands. I pray that HE keeps my baby safe. I pray that everything works out the way it suppsoed it and that Micah does wonderfully and that in a year or two we look back at this and just remember it as a nightmare that we went through instead of one we are living in.

Surgery

Surgery for Micah will be on Monday sometime. Don't know much more, just got the phone call. Kinda freaking out a little bit. Very very nervous. Please please pray for little Micah. Will update as we know more.

Quick Update

Don't have much time to post as I need to be getting ready for the vicarage assignment service. Yeah!! Anyway...

Met with the oncologist Dr. H. (he's awesome) He says that the mass/tumor is what is called a para spinal mass most likely neuroblastoma and might be touching the spine/backbone. We will find out more tomorrow after the MRI. The dr said that the mass is behind the lungs and heart (i think this is what he told me). Surgery will most likely be the end of next week or the beginning of the following. After surgery we will find out what he has for sure and what is the next step. As long as they can fully get the mass out then most likely he won't need anymore treatments, if they can't then we will go from there and hopefully have to do the least treatment possible. Don't really have much more to say, hope to get he results of the MRI tomorrow or at the very latest Friday. Will update more when I get more..or maybe tonight to let you all know where we will be moving to this coming summer!!!! WhooHooo!!

Blessings

Melinda

Tomorrow is a busy day

Tomorrow is a busy busy day for us here in the Flick house. The day will start by taking Micah to see the chief of oncology at Children's Hospital. We haven't met this guy yet but have been told he's very good. I'm not exactly sure what he's going to tell us that we haven't already heard but I figure if we are moving Micah to Children's we should probably get to know everyone who will be treating him. I thought it would be better to meet with this guy after the MRI but I guess we will be seeing him before. Maybe he will have more information for us about where we are going from here. (the MRI is on Thursday afternoon)
After the appoitment and dropping Seth off at the Sem. I will be heading home to get ready for the Vicarage Assiment service! Yeah!!! We have lived here for 5 years and will finally be going on vicarage, we will finally get to go to this service and be one of the families who's name is called out and told where we will be going in a few short months! The service starts at 3pm.
Ok so maybe it's not as busy of a day as I might of thought, but it's still a very busy and exciting day for us!
We are praying for good news at the Oncologist office and are praying for great news after the MRI. Wouldn't it be great if the doctors all came back to us after the MRI and said they must be mistaken, that there is no mass. That would be awesome. I know God does work miricles, so there is always the possiblity of this happening, but i'm not getting my hopes up for this. Now I don't expect them to find anything else, but then again it's not beyond the rehlem of possiblity as we didn't expect to hear that Micah has a mass in/on his lung (can't wait until that is cleared up...the in or on part, well okay all if it but for sure that) a few weeks ago. I don't know that any parent ever expects to get a phone call where the doctor starts off by saying "I have bad news for you". I kinda think that doctors should be banned from starting off a converstation that way. Your whole world just kinda drops all of a sudden, the world stops moving and all you can think of is the worst possible scenerio. "oh my gosh i'm going to lose my baby". Now the situation isn't that grave (at least as far as we know, please pray that it's not), Micah still has a long road ahead of him, an uphill battle, a scary journey, one that I never ever wanted to have to take. You know when you get the bad news you just want it to be a nightmare, you just want to switch places with your child, you want to be the sick one, the one who has to go through test after test, unfortunately this is not the way it works, but man I would do ANYTHING to make Micah well.